For Want of a Spider
by Valeoftheanduin
Summary: A tale of death, intregue, and love set against the sparkly back drop of Las Vegas. Ohh and there's a few spiders too. (FF Slash :C&S)
1. A Spider

Title: For Want of A Spider 1/?  
  
Author: Valar  
  
Rating: PG [ for squishy messy violence, and other   
  
such things. :( ]  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, therfore please don't sue - i'm   
  
allergic.  
  
Chapter One:  
  
'God damned, stupid, infernal, idiotic man!' Catherine cursed to herself as she carefully guided them around the sharp corner and into the CSI break room.  
  
"off all the half-baked, ludicrous ideas! " She muttered angrily as they quickly made a beeline for the coffee machine.  
  
"I mean I'm a senior CSI for gods sake." She told her companion. "And this is his idea of leaving me in charge for a week ?!"   
  
"Umm, no offence or anything..." She quickly added, after all her parents had brought her up to be polite.  
  
"Ahhh .... Catherine, who are you talking too ...... ?" An amused voice inquired from the couch, causing Catherine to spin around in shock, nearly squishing her companion. She had actually thought she was alone.  
  
"Christ Sara, Heart attack much !" She snapped rather immaturely.  
  
"Who Are You Talking Too ?" The younger CSI enunciated slowly as she placed her Science Review on the couch and walked towards the ranting woman.  
  
"Lily." Catherine answered with as much dignity as she could muster. She could see the amused smirk forming on the younger woman's face, and she'd be damned if she was going to let the irritating brunette laugh at her.  
  
"Lily ?!" Sara asked sceptically, an eyebrow raised in disbelief.  
  
Well this all just proved her theory that Catherine Willows was a mad woman, and menace to society correct.   
  
Damn she was a great CSI she thought happily, as she quickly turned to the nearest phone book. Vagas had to have a very big, very secure, and very very far away mental hospital somewhere .......   
  
"And how is 'Lily ? " Sara asked as she reached for the phone, she had read somewhere that you aught to humour psychotic people - it was safer or something....  
  
"Not too good actually." Catherine replied drolly, after all she supposed this situation was somewhat amusing. She was still going to kill Gil when he got back, but she was sure she'd laugh about this one day.  
  
"Ohhh..." Sara encouraged, as she quickly punched the numbers into the phone.  
  
"Hmmm, she's on a diet,poor thing. Gil wants me to take her for walks while he's away."   
  
"What ?!" Sara exclaimed as she slammed the phone back in its receiver. Did Catherine have a dog somewhere ? And when the hell did Grisom get a dog anyway ?!   
  
"Where is it?" Sara demand. She'd be damned if she could see any fluffy looking yellow things.  
  
"Where's what ?" Catherine inquired, backing up a little. The frantic look in the younger woman's eyes was kind of beginning to scare her.  
  
"The Dog!" Sara exclaimed. Honestly, just how dense was this woman!  
  
"What dog .... " Catherine began. "Ohhh right." She answered herself, finally understanding what the other woman was talking about.  
  
"Down there." She whispered dramatically, pointing towards her right foot.  
  
Sara looked down towards the furry black bundle at Catherine's foot.   
  
'Well damn!' She thought with a quick snigger, Grisom had absolutely no taste whatsoever - that had to be the ugliest dog she had ever had the misfortune to see, no wonder Catherine was angry about babysitting it. heck it even had eight legs.....  
  
"What the hell?!" Sara exclaimed.  
  
Catherine had Grisom's beloved, but apparently overweight, tarantula somehow tied to a flimsy bit of string so it could go for walks.  
  
The entire world had obviously gone mad Sara concluded dazedly.  
  
"Sara, meet Lily." Catherine smirked at the look of utter shock written across the young CSI's face.  
  
"Well actually I'm not sure if she's called Lily really, but I figured if I was going to walk her I'd better name her something, and she does look like a girl I used to go to school with ......" Catherine continued as she thrust the arachnid towards the stunned brunette.  
  
Seeing the deadly animal thrust towards her Sara automatically leapt in the air to avoid it, letting out a blood curdling scream as she ascended, causing Catherine to let go of Lily's "leash" in order to cover her ears.  
  
Sara's subsequent decent, and the ensuing squish seemed to play out in slow motion for both women.  
  
"NOOOOO" screamed Catherine as she lunged at Sara to push her out of the way, but she was to late - Sara, boots and all, had landed.  
  
"Ohh My God ......" Sara whispered as she felt the object beneath her feet turn to mush.  
  
Grisom was going to kill her!  
  
"Is it okay?" She asked hopefully as she carefully lifted her blood soaked boot from its battered body.  
  
"Sara its spider mush. It is anything but okay!" Catherine exclaimed.  
  
"Ohhh my God Grisom is going to kill us." She shouted.  
  
"We are so dead..." She began to whine, rocking herself back and forward, until she had a sudden brilliant realisation.  
  
"Actually, Grisom is going to kill you." She stated, pointing at the other woman and brightening up considerably.  
  
"WHAT ?!" Sara shouted worriedly.  
  
"No way, No God damned way." She repeated to the older woman, as she began to advance on her.  
  
"There is no way I'm going down for this." She began to yell.  
  
"If I'm going down, then your going down lady - your as much at fault here. Hell at the least your an accessory to the crime, So don't think Grisom aint going to kill you too!." She ranted as she pinned the older woman up against the wall.  
  
"Okay, okay Sara, we're in this together." Catherine conceded, as she began to pry the frightened woman off of her. After all she did have a child at home to think about, and ranting frightened Sara seemed a whole lot more dangerous than a grieving Grisom right now.  
  
"Thank you." Sara whispered, grateful that Catherine wasn't going to leave her high and dry.  
  
"Okay what say we put it back in its cage, and pretend it died naturally." She suggested,as she began to scrape the black goop off the carpet.  
  
"Sara ?! Its got a big boot mark where its body used to be. You are joking right ?! I mean you do understand what we do for a living don't you ?!"   
  
"Yeah I guess......" Sara sighed. It probably wouldn't have worked any how.......  
  
"Okay Catherine, but then we have to get Grisom a new one and pretend like nothing happened." She concluded.  
  
"What..... but we can't..." Catherine spluttered.  
  
"We have to Cath." Sara stated. "I like my job, and I'm rather fond of living, this is our only option."   
  
"But Grisom will know its not Lily." Catherine whispered worriedly.  
  
"A spiders a spider Catherine." Sara exclaimed  
  
"And anyway I think Grisom pretends he knows a lot more than he does. he'll never notice."   
  
"Well I guess....." Catherine stated unsurely. it probably was their best option she thought, and Sara did seem so sure.......  
  
"Great" Sara smiled as she grabbed the older woman's hand and hurriedly pulled her out of the room, they had no time to lose. 


	2. A Funeral

Chapter Two:  
  
"Sara hold up, where are we going ?" An exasperated Catherine cried out as she pulled Sara to a sudden stop.  
  
"To get rid off the evidence." Sara whispered harshly, looking around nervously for any possible witnesses.  
  
"Ahhh I ahhh mean to give poor little Lily a funeral." She quickly added, when she realised just how cold hearted she must seem. They so did not have time for the older woman to have a conniption in the middle of the hallway.  
  
"You're joking right ?!" Catherine laughed.  
  
"Funeral, ha! Good one Sara." She sniggered, shaking her head in amusement and giving the younger woman a hearty slap on the back. Who said the stoic Miss Sidle didn't have a sense of humour !  
  
"My God Catherine, how can you be so cold?" Sara spat out, abruptly turning on the the other woman.  
  
"You have a child for pities sake." She sobbed, tears forming at the corner of her eyes.  
  
Lily may have only been a spider, but in the short time that Sara had known her she had come to love her dearly. Even now the memories of their happy few minutes together caused the waiting tears to flow steadily down the brunettes cheeks.  
  
"God Catherine, I just miss her so much." She cried as she threw herself into the startled woman's arms.  
  
"There, there...." Catherine muttered awkwardly as she patted the blubbering woman's back. "I'm sure she didn't feel a thing." She lied.  
  
Damn, Catherine thought to herself in mild annoyance, they so didn't have the time for this right now.  
  
"Lets go give Lily that funeral then huh?" She suggested quickly. They needed to get rid of the evidence now, and if she had to say a few flowery words to do so then so be it.  
  
"Thank you Cath." Sara whispered in gratitude as she wiped away a last stray tear.  
  
Taking the other woman's hand in hers once more she nearly skipped the rest of the way to the ladies toilets.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Lily was a truly beautiful creature, who's time among us was tragically cut short." Catherine began as the duo huddled around the ceramic toilet bowl.  
  
"She was a umm .... kind, humorous and ahhh ...... happy spider, who well, made each of our days brighter." She continued against the intermittent whimpering and nose blowing of her companion.  
  
"Ummm well ...... Lily will be sorely missed." Catherine finished as she hurriedly flushed the toilet and pulled the younger woman out of the cubicle.  
  
"Look, I'm sure she's gone to spiddy heaven okay." She exclaimed exasperatedly. This whole crying thing was getting just a little bit weary.  
  
Why on earth did people seem to think she was a baby sitter today anyway she thought angrily as she thrust open the door and hurried out of the bathroom.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *   
  
She had gotten about halfway down the corridor before it occurred to her that Sara was not with her. Turning she found the brunette braced against the bathroom door, tears streaming down her face, and her thumb stuck firmly in her mouth.  
  
"What the hell is the problem now ?!" She yelled as she stomped back towards the desolate woman.  
  
God she had never had this much trouble with Lindsay she thought irritably. And what the hell had happened to the detached young CSI she had come to know ?!  
  
"wisjussobtfulcthrn." Sara mumbled around her thumb.  
  
"What?" Catherine demanded.  
  
"Sara stop sucking your thumb I can't understand you." She tersely told the other woman.  
  
"God how old are you anyway ? 5 ?!" She added, tapping her foot in annoyance.  
  
Sara quickly pulled her thumb from her mouth with as much dignity as possible for a grown woman to do. "I was just saying that you gave a very beautiful service Catherine." She added as she tried to wipe her face back into some semblance of order.  
  
"Sara it was a spider." Catherine stated coldly.  
  
"A God damned spider." She continued.  
  
"A big, ugly, hairy, dirty, venomous,deadly, blood sucking, child eating spider." She began to rant.  
  
"Hell your lucky the thing didn't pierce your boots and eat your foot." She continued, only stopping when she saw the pale near fainting look that had suddenly came across the brunette's face.  
  
"Oh my God." Sara let out a strangled gasp.   
  
What if the evil little thing had injected its venom through her boot as she was squishing it.  
  
And just how deadly were tarantulas anyway?! They had killed before hadn't they ?!  
  
"Catherine, I can't feel my leg, its gone numb." Sara suddenly decided, as she grasped the affected appendage, and began to hop wildly around the hallway.  
  
Just how fast did the venom act anyway she wondered, knowing already that it was to late.  
  
Placing her forearm dramatically across her brow she proceeded to collapse to the floor.  
  
"Catherine, its too late for me." She told the stunned woman. "You go on by yourself." She added gallantly as she dropped her head to rest against the cold floor.  
  
Quickly remembering something the brunette slowly lifted her head up to face the shocked woman.  
  
"Catherine, If I don't make it I want you to have my police scanner." She whispered before her entire world turned black.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Acckkkk" Spluttered Sara as she quickly leapt up, trying to rid the bucketful of ice cold water from her personage.  
  
"What the hell did you do that for ?!" She yelled at the smirking woman opposite her, as she tried to dry herself off.  
  
"Waking the dead apparently." Sniggered the older woman.  
  
"Honestly Sara have you seen your boots, they're like army issue, Lara Croft, SS indestructible type boots. You could run over an armoured tank in those things. Ha dying indeed!" Catherine laughed to herself as she began to walk back down the hallway again.  
  
"Hey, its possible." Sara yelled offendedly after her, as she ran to catch up.  
  
However not being used to running in six inch stiletto heels Sara soon found herself crashing back down to the ground.  
  
"What the hell ?" She muttered confusedly as she stared down at her feet.  
  
Where once had been heavy duty, very sensible shoes, were now bright sparkly red, very flimsy way to small, very insensible high heels.   
  
"CATHERINE ! " Sara growled ferally as she slowly stood back up, hugging the wall for support.  
  
"Where Are My Shoes ?!!!!" She slowly questioned the annoyingly amused looking woman.  
  
"Umm I incinerated them." Catherine chocked out between laughs. Really the younger woman looked utterly ridiculous standing there in her 'come fuck me' heels, as she liked to call them.  
  
"Why ?" Sara asked between gritted teeth.  
  
"Sara they had spider goop all over them, I noticed it when you collapsed." Catherine answered sensibly.  
  
"So anyway I burned them, and gave you my spare pair."  
  
"Come on Sara the other shoes would have been way too suspicious." She told the increasingly cranky looking CSI.  
  
"Right cause I look perfectly unsuspicious in these !" Sara snapped, crossing her arms to further emphasis her point.  
  
"Actually Sara I think they look very ahhh....... pretty." She laughed, shaking her head at the comical looking picture in front of her.  
  
"You better start running Catherine." Sara growled angrily.  
  
"Cause when I catch you I'm going to squish you real good, just like I did poor little Lily." She threatened as she began to advance on the now worried looking woman, a maniacal smile forming across her face.  
  
Seeing the other woman wasn't actually joking Catherine stoped laughing and let out a high pitched squeal, turning quickly she fled as fast as her slightly heeled, semi-sensible boots would allow. Which fortunately was a whole heap faster than a very slow, cursing Sara was managing to wobble. 


	3. Den

Chapter Three:  
  
"Owww....... damn...... ouch." Sara muttered angrily as she unsteadily chased Catherine around the older woman's office desk.  
  
How on earth did women actually wear these stupid things without breaking anything she thought in wonderment, her respect for the other woman suddenly going up tenfold.  
  
"For Gods sake Catherine would please slow down!" She yelled irritably at the older CSI. Honestly how was she supposed to kill her if she couldn't even catch her?!  
  
"Ahh How about we come to some kind of deal ?" A fearful Catherine suggested, worriedly picking up her speed as the enraged woman started gaining on her.  
  
"NO DEALS !!" Sara yelled, reaching out to grab the just out of reach Catherine.  
  
"Look I can give you money." She offered, to which the younger woman only raised a scoffing eyebrow.  
  
"Okay, no money ....." She muttered out loud, furiously trying to come up with something else.  
  
"How about I give you a ..... ummm ........." She faltered, really having no idea what the younger woman was actually interested in.  
  
"Nothing Catherine. I don't want anything." Sara spoke frostily.  
  
"I'm going to kill you. The End." She stated with menacing finality.  
  
"Ummm well you can't." Catherine stated overly confidently, coming to a sudden abrupt stop.  
  
"Why not ?" Sara asked suspiciously, coming to a halt before the now still woman.  
  
"Because this is my office." Catherine stated, as if that should explain everything.  
  
"Rigggghht .....???" Sara mumbled, really not getting the older woman's point.  
  
"Well that means its Den." Catherine explained, crossing her arms and giving the brunette a annoyingly superior look.  
  
"What ?!" Sara spluttered.  
  
"You cant kill a person in their own office Sara, its Den. that means they're safe." Catherine haughtily explained.  
  
"You made that up !" Sara accused the other woman, not really believing her at all.  
  
"No I didn't." Catherine replied.  
  
"Yes you did !" Sara stated.  
  
"No I didn't." Catherine repeated.  
  
"Yes you did !" Sara crossed her arms in annoyance, she really couldn't stand cheaters.  
  
"Look Sara I so didn't make it up." Catherine claimed, trying to get away from the 'yes/no' game they were heading into.  
  
"It's a universally accepted rule. I would never kill you in your own office, its just not sporting." She concluded.  
  
"Well that's just stupid." Sara spat out, annoyed that she wasn't going to get the chance to kill the irratating woman.  
  
"Great." Smiled Catherine, glad she would actually live to se an other day.  
  
"Lets go get us that spider then huh ?" She cheerily exclaimed, as she headed for the door.  
  
"Grrrrggghhhhh." Sara growled lowly as she quickly wobbled after the happy woman.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
Concentrating on walking fast while in heels took a lot of effort for the young CSI and cosequently she failed to notice that she was fast wobbling towards a collision course with Nick.  
  
Even Catherine calling out her name in warning failed to signal to the young woman that she should halt. So the impending crash came as quite a surprise her indeed.  
  
"Nick !" Sara shouted irately, sure that the crash must have been all his fault.  
  
"Oh my God Sara, are you alright ?" Nick asked worriedly as he hurried to pull the frustrated young woman up.  
  
"I'm so sorry Sara, you just came running out of nowhere...." He apologised.  
  
"I'm fine thank you Nicholas." Sara replied politely, happy that at last someone was showing her some concern.  
  
"God Catherine, you could have said something !" She whispered harshly, angrily turning to the woman beside her.  
  
"I umm ...." Catherine begun, before deciding to not even bother wasting her breath with an explanation. She clearly didn't understand the other woman, and she doubted she ever would.   
  
Although a psychiatric doctor might, she thought to herself, with a quiet snigger.  
  
"Catherine are you laughing at me ?!" An infuriated Sara demanded, more than ready to go back on her decision not to kill the older woman.  
  
"I ummm ...." Catherine stuttered worried by the scary look in her companions eyes.  
  
"Ahh so Nick, what can I do you for ?" She quickly asked the young man, hoping the change in conversation would confuse the young woman.  
  
"Cases." Nick stated in answer.  
  
"Cases ....... ?" Sara queried, not understanding the young man at all.  
  
"Yeah look, Warrick and I were just wondering when you were going to be handing out the cases Catherine, what with Grissom not being here and all." He explained.  
  
"Ohhh the cases right umm well shit !" Catherine exclaimed having forgotten entirely about that part of their jobs.   
  
"Ahhh well there umm ....." She mumbled, not entirely sure what she was talking about.  
  
"Ahhh there isn't any." Sara suddenly stated.  
  
"WHAT ?!" Nick and Catherine yelled together.  
  
"Umm yeah there's been no murders this week, go figure huh !." Sara lied. They just didn't have time to work on any cases if they were going to find a new spider before Grissom got back.  
  
"Funny Sara." Nick sniggered, maybe the serious young woman was actually developing a sense of humour after all of this time. Well good for her Nick thought happily.  
  
"I'm not joking Nick." Sara tried to say convincingly.  
  
"There's just no cases this week, so you guys should probably go home now." She suggested.  
  
"Sara you seriously expect me to believe that ?! This is Las Vagas not Smallvill, Nowheretown." Nick stated, shaking his head in disbelief  
  
"Well there's not! " Sara replied angrily. Was Nick trying to suggest she was a liar ?!  
  
"Look there's a umm nun's conference on this week, so its bad karma to kill people at the moment, all crooks know that. So just go home Nick." She finished, rather pleased with her quick thinking.  
  
"But Sara....." Catherine began to correct the young woman. However her explanation about how there was in fact a rather large lot of case work on her office desk soon turned into a startled scream, as Sara very hardly thrust her stilettoed heel into the senior CSI's foot.  
  
"Hey Cath you alright ?" Nick asked in concern as he watched his temporary supervisor hop around the corridor, foot in hand, in obvious pain.  
  
"Ohh don't worry Nick, its just cramp." Sara answered for her, making sure to give the other woman a very obvious warning look.  
  
"You know, older people get that sort of thing all the time." She added with a quick smirk.  
  
"Ohh right." Nick nodded his head in understanding.  
  
"Well I guess I'll grab Warrick and head out of here." He stated. A weeks vacation would suit him just fine he decided happily.  
  
"You girls have fun now." He smiled kindly as he headed back down the corridor.  
  
"Ohh and Catherine just take it easy okay." He called to the older woman as he disappeared around the corner.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
"You have actually seen the huge stack of paperwork on my desk haven't you ?!" Catherine yelled angrily at the smirking brunette.  
  
"Look Catherine I didn't have a choice." Sara justified.  
  
"We need to find a spider and we just don't have time for any cases. I had to get rid of the boys." She exclaimed.  
  
"I understand that." Catherine stated, calming down just a little bit. "But those cases aren't just going to solve them self." she finished.  
  
"God Catherine I'm not stupid." Sara snipped. "We don't have time to do them, but we can't risk the boys seeing us doing nothing, so we just send them away and get someone else to do the work." She concluded. Really she was so obviously somewhere in the region of genius she decided happily.  
  
"What ?!" "Who ?!" Catherine cried, was the other woman really that stupid she wondered.  
  
"Look we'll just hire a private detective or something." Sara stated,as if it should have been blatantly obvious.  
  
"Sara we're scientists, not police detectives !" Catherine exclaimed.  
  
"Oh come on Catherine, its not that hard. If Greg can do it, then any half baked idiot can." She replied.  
  
"I guess." Catherine conceded, really Sara did have a point there.  
  
"Great !" Sara smiled. "Lets go get us that spider then." She uttered happily, grabbing the other woman's hand and leading her out of the building.  
  
TBC................ 


	4. A new Pet

Chapter Four:  
  
Sara held the pet shop door open to let Catherine in, before walking up to the counter with what she hoped was her most sexy swagger, if she had to use her feminie wiles to get Grissom a new damn spider then so be it.  
  
And anyway it couldn't be that hard could it, after all she had seen Catherine do it a thousand times before.  
  
Unfortunately she failed to remember that she was still wearing Catherine's heels, and she ended up looking more like a really bad drag queen than the stunningly sexy woman she was sure she was.  
  
Turning to glare at the sniggering woman behind her, she hurriedly wobbled the rest of the way to the counter.  
  
"I need a spider." She tersely told the young shop assistant, all thoughts of charming a pet out of him completely gone.  
  
"Certainly Madam." The young lad answered.   
  
Sara was very sure she heard an amused tone in his voice.  
  
"Are you laughing at me boy ?!" She growled, leaning menacingly towards him.  
  
"Ahh ..... umm ...so what kind of spider were you after today ?" He asked, quickly backing away from the slightly psychotic looking woman.  
  
"We need a tarantula." Catherine answered, coming to stand next to the glowering young woman.  
  
"Certainly Madam." The young boy smiled thankfully at Catherine. "If you'll wait just a moment we have one out back." He finished as he headed through a curtained off area.  
  
"He better not have been laughing at me." Sara whispered offendedly to the woman beside her as the young man entered the room again and placed a small matchbox on the counter.  
  
"Ahh what is this ?" Catherine enquired, sure that Lily had been just a little bigger than a matchbox.  
  
"Its a tarantula." The boy answered, as if that should have been the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"Right....." Catherine muttered as she opened up the box and stared inside.  
  
"Uhhh were is it ?" She asked, really not seeing anything in there at all.  
  
"Right there." The young man pointed to a minuscule blob, about half the size of a flea.  
  
"Ohh." Catherine muttered, bringing the box up closer to her eyes. "its a little small isn't it ?" She asked the shop assistant. "Is it a baby ?"   
  
"No, fully grown." He answered with seeming authority.  
  
"Actually" He continued "The ones you see on the television aren't actually real, they're just a fabrication created by the big Hollywood studios to scare little children. That is what a real tarantula looks like." He finished pointing to the small box in Catherine's hand.  
  
"huh ..... ?? " Mumbled Catherine, surely the kid was joking right ?!  
  
"What the hell are you talking about you little con artist ?!" Sara demanded angrily as she reached across to grab the kid.  
  
"Listen Lady if your going to be like that I don't have to sell you anything !" The young man shrieked as he quickly jumped out of Sara's reach. Snatching the matchbox from Catherine's startled hand he quickly ran back behind the curtains again.  
  
"Well now that's just dandy!" Catherine sighed loudly.   
  
"How on earth are we supposed to find Gil a new spider if all your going to do is piss off the shop assistants ?!" She asked the younger woman irritatedly.  
  
"Catherine that was NOT a God damned tarantula !" Sara yelled in annoyance, running a frustrated hand through her hair as she glared at her companion.  
  
"Actually I'm barley even sure that it was even a spider." She added, only just resisting the urge to stick her tongue out at the older woman.   
  
"But it said on the box that it was ....... " Catherine mumbled dejectedly, after all little boys weren't supposed to tell lies were they ?!  
  
"Riiiigghhht ! And that's actually a tiger." Sara exclaimed as she pointed to a tiny tortoiseshell kitten in a small cage on the wall, under a placard which read 'Authentic Indian Bengal Tiger Only $45.'  
  
"Wow, that's quite cheap!" Catherine squealed in delight as she quickly reached for her purse.  
  
"Why don't we find you a better one at the next store huh ?!" Sara quickly suggested as she grabbed the clearly senile woman's hand and hurriedly pulled her out of the store.  
  
"But ....." Catherine muttered disappointedly.  
  
"Look Catherine if you be a very good girl then Sara might just buy you an ice cream, okay ?" She hastily told the older woman before she could start a crying fit in the middle of the shop.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
"I'm sorry, but you can't eat that ice cream in here." The burly owner of Big Daves Pet Emporium kindly mentioned as Sara and Catherine entered his spacious store.  
  
"It's okay, I'll just wait outside for you." Catherine told the younger woman as she began to head back out the door, her earlier bad mood forgotten now that she had her very own tripple chocolate, double scope, 99% fat ice cream.   
  
Nodding her head at the older woman Sara headed in the direction of Big Dave.  
  
"Hi I'm Sara." She told the big man, grasping his hand and giving it a firm friendly shake.  
  
"Don't happen to have any tarantulas do you ?" She queried.  
  
"Hi Sara." Big Dave greeted, nearly ripping Sara's arm of with his enthusiastic shake.  
  
"Look I'm sorry but I just sold my last one to Mrs Johnstone over there" Big Dave shook his head regretfully as he pointed out the sweet little old lady heading out the door.  
  
"Well Damn!" Sara exclaimed as she quickly wobbled after the old woman.  
  
"Excuse me Madam." She called after her.  
  
"Sara Sidle, Vegas Crime lab." She stated, pulling out her ID to show the now still Mrs Johnstone.  
  
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to take that spider in to custody." She continued as she reached out to grab the ventilated pet box in the old woman's hands.  
  
"What ? But why dear ?" Mrs Johnstone asked as she swatted at Sara's grabbing hands.  
  
"I ..... um ....... well you see he's wanted in ahhh ..... umm .... in connection with a murder."  
  
"But its a little girl." Mrs Johnstone said most confused.  
  
"Ahhh ...... yeah that's what I said." Sara lied.  
  
"No you didn't, I distinctly heard you say 'He'." Mrs Johnstone replied, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.  
  
"Listen Lady, you're old and deaf. I said 'She'." Sara replied as she lunged once more for the box.  
  
"Well I never !" Exclaimed Mrs Johnstone offendedly, shaking her head at the dismal manners of the younger generation.  
  
"Give me the God damned spider !" Sara screamed as she made one last grab for the box, honestly what on earth did a little old lady want a deadly spider for she wondered.  
  
"Help! Police Brutality!." Little Mrs Johnstone squealed as she began to thoroughly whack Sara with her heavy handbag.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
"Ouch ..... owww ...... damn ......." Whimpered Sara as she limped out of the pet emporium.  
  
"My God Sara, are you alright ?!" Catherine exclaimed as she dropped the rest of her ice cream cone and rushed to the younger CSIs side.  
  
"owww." Sara repeated miserably, feeling altogether sorry for herself.  
  
"You pissed off the Shop assistant again didn't you." Catherine chided.  
  
"No!" Sara exclaimed insulted, did Catherine actually think she was incapable of carrying out a simple polite conversation with a stranger ?!  
  
"So what, you just happened to walk into a very hard wall then ?!" Catherine queried sarcastically.  
  
"Nope, just a little old lady's fist." Sara grumbled as she limped over to their parked car, rubbing at her quickly bruising face.  
  
Shaking her head in annoyance Catherine headed around the other side of the vehicle.  
  
At this rate she was not only going to have to explain how she killed Grissoms beloved pet, but also why she decided to gleefully mutilate and kill the only other female member of their team.  
  
Sara so owed her at least a dozen more ice creams she thought to herself as she started the car.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"What do you mean you don't have any spiders ?!" Sara yelled at the little pink sequined man who owned Paulies Purfect Pet Palace.   
  
"This is a Pet shop isn't it ?!" She demanded in annoyance, honestly if she didn't get a God damned spider right now then she was seriously going to start killing some people very shortly.  
  
"Listen honey this is Paulies Purrfect Pet Palace, not some bland run of the mil Pet Shop." The little owner answered irritably.  
  
"And for your information." The angry little man continued "A: Spiders are not pets, they're ghastly little animals that only deserve to be squished. And B: Paulie's only have animals that start with P." He finished, crossing his arms with a huff.  
  
"Look why don't you get your girl a nice little pussy cat, or a puppy, or maybe even a parrot ? Hmmm ?" Paulie stated, seeing the sad look that had come across Sara's face.  
  
"They're much nicer than a spider, and they wont kill her." He continued trying to cheer up the forlorn woman.  
  
"But I want a God damned Spider !" Sara whined.  
  
"Look do you maybe have a 'Pretty spider' ?" Catherine tried, really not wanting the younger woman to cause yet another scene.  
  
"Yeah a Pretty Spider !" Sara said, suddenly brightening up.  
  
"We want one of those - it starts with 'P' so there!" She chimed, poking her tongue out at the silly little man.  
  
Damn Catherine was brilliant sometimes she thought to herself happily, she so owed the older woman at least a half a dozen more ice creams!  
  
"Well I guess I could order one in..." Paulie relented, not wanting to further upset the cute little couple.  
  
"Great!" Sara exclaimed ecstatically, giving the startled little man an exuberant hug.  
  
"So when can we come and pick it up ?" She inquired.  
  
"Ohh no you cant take the Pets home." Paulie insisted, shaking his little head.  
  
"No, this is Paulies Purrfect Pet Palace. You come in and Pet the animals." He clarified.  
  
"WHAT ?!" Sara screamed. Did this man think it was funny to build up there hopes then dash them ?!  
  
"Ummm don't you think you should maybe call it Paulies Purrfect Petting Palace instead then ?" Catherine stated, thoroughly disappointed they wouldn't be getting a new Lily today.  
  
"Honey, Do you know how expensive sign writing is these days ?!" Paulie demanded.  
  
"A Petting Store ?!" Sara exclaimed as she began to advance on the little man.  
  
"You're a God Damned WEIRDO !!!!!! You know that don't you ?!!!!! " The younger woman yelled as she pushed the man against the counter and leaned in threateningly.  
  
"I want a God Damned Stupid spider, and you're going to get it for me !" She whispered menacingly.  
  
"Listen Butch, I don't have to do anything." The little man stated with a whole lot of false bravado.  
  
"Ohh yes you do." Sara claimed "Or else I'm going to rip out your insides and let people Pet those!." She warned.  
  
"Arggghhhhh Help!!! Get your Stupid Assed girlfriend off of me !!!!!" The little man pleaded with Catherine.  
  
"Hey, Don't you be calling my girlfriend Stupid Assed!" Catherine exclaimed in offence, rushing to Sara's aid so quickly that she thoroughly forget that the younger woman wasn't actually her girlfriend.  
  
Seeing that the other woman was now advancing on him too, Paulie reached behind the counter and pressed the shops security button.   
  
At least the police would save him from these two broads he hoped.  
  
Maybe they might even send a nice handsome studly officer, in a uniform 3 sizes to small. And maybe he might even let Paulie Pet him, Paulie thought happily to himself as he felt Sara's fist connect with his head once more.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Gil Grissom walked angrily up to the small jail cell, making sure to glare menacingly at each woman as he came to a stop infront of them.  
  
"Who wants to explain to me WHY I got pulled out of a fascinating lecture on the social habits of the Hawaiian Surfing Beetle to come and bail two of my perfectly responsible CSIs out of jail ?!" He queried, wringing his hands around the bars threateningly.  
  
"Well ?! I'm waiting !" He exclaimed.  
  
Getting no response from either woman, he turned to glare irritatedly at the older of the two.  
  
"And while we're explaining things Catherine, why don't you tell me where the hell my Mexican Red-Legged tarantula is ?!" He demanded arching an angry brow, and suddenly deciding that the shamefaced duo were definitely going to be getting all of the hard, boring, messy job for the very forseeable future.  
  
TBC 


	5. A Wedding

Chapter Five:  
  
"Umm ...." Catherine stuttered, looking everywhere but at Gil.  
  
"Your tarantula, right ummm ...... well ...... ahh you see its a funny story ummm ....." Catherine began grasping for some kind of explanation that wouldn't get them both killed.  
  
"Yessss ?" Grissom urged, growing more annoyed by the minute.  
  
"Well ...... ahhh ....." Catherine continued to stutter, however deciding there was really no other way to get around it she decided to come clean and face the consequences.  
  
"Gil I'm sorry but ..." She began, before being hurriedly cut off by a now very worried looking Sara.  
  
"Ahhh I think what Catherine's trying to say is that ummm...." Sara began, once again stabbing the older woman with her stiletto to shut her up. There was just no way she was going down for this damn it!  
  
"Yes ?" Grissom asked, knowing that he probably didn't want to know whatever it was that the two woman were up to.  
  
"Ummm well Lily is .." Sara began to answer.  
  
"Hang on who's Lily ?" Grissom interrupted, more confused than ever.  
  
"Lily was, umm I mean IS, definitely IS, your spider Gil." Catherine answered, gaining a withering look from the younger woman at her near slip.  
  
"You named my Mexican Red-Legged Tarantula 'Lily' ?!" Grissom queried in utter disbelief, trying to rub away the massive headache that was beginning to pound inside his head.  
  
Honestly, he would never, as long as he lived, ever understand women he decided.  
  
"Right so where is ahhh 'Lily' ?" He asked, really knowing that he shouldn't.  
  
"Ahhh she's ummm ..... at ahhh ..... she's at Fat Camp." Sara simply said the first thing that came into her head, cringing a little at the ridiculousness of her answer.  
  
"Fat Camp ?!" Grissom questioned somewhat astounded, that was certainly not the answer he had expected.  
  
"Umm yeah .... " Sara rather lamely affirmed, trying to ignore the incredulous look Catherine was giving her.  
  
"Ahh the walking thing just wasn't working." She continued, suddenly deciding the lie wasn't all that far fetched.  
  
"I mean that was just one FAT spider." She shook her head sadly. "Anyway I know this guy who runs a camp for obese spiders and bugs, so we decided that it was in Lily's best interest to go." She finished, smiling kindly at Grissom.  
  
"Well I guess that makes sense." Grissom muttered to himself.  
  
"Fat camp huh ?! Bout time they came up with something like that." He added, absentmindedly stroking his beard.  
  
"Actually Sara I have a slightly overweight oriental cockroach, do you think this guy could take it in too."  
  
"NO !" Sara exclaimed a little too loudly.  
  
"Umm I meant no." She stated, a lot less suspiciously.  
  
"Ahh because its really full up at the moment, and I ahhh basically had to promise Catherine's next born child to even get Lily in." She added, with a slight laugh.  
  
"You know Gil, you could just stop feeding the stupid things!" Catherine told the older man, somewhat tersely as she gave the woman beside her an extremely dark look. No one better be promising any of her future children to nobody God damn it!   
  
"So ahhh Griss how about busting us out of here huh ?!" Sara reminded the older man as she hurriedly moved away from the angry looking woman by her side.  
  
"Ohh right certainly." Grissom replied kindly, his previous bad mood entirely forgotten.  
  
"So where are Nick and Warrick ?" He asked as he put the key into the lock, not noticing the panicked look the two woman now wore.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
"Catherine forgot we had so much work to do." Catherine sarcastically began to imitate Sara as she chased the frightened looking younger woman around her office.  
  
"Catherine has alzheima's because Catherine's an old foggie." She continued.  
  
"Catherine sent Warrick and Nick on holiday because her dementia kicked in." She ranted as she pined the younger woman up against her office wall.  
  
"Look Catherine I had to tell him something, what was I going to say 'Gee Gil sorry but I got rid of the boys so they wouldn't notice we squished your stupid spider' ?!" Sara tried to plead her case.  
  
"Sara Sidle you have a very big mouth." Catherine stated, leaning menacingly towards the pinned woman.  
  
"Catherine I am SO very sorry!" Sara squealed, she was just to young to die.  
  
"Please you can't hurt me, I've already been bashed like fifty times today already." She cried.  
  
Suddenly feeling sorry for the younger woman Catherine let go. "Fine but no more stupid stories Sara." She warned, as she seated herself grumpily in her chair.  
  
"I promise Catherine absolutely no more stories." Sara swore, picking herself up and moving over to the other woman.  
  
"What the hell are we going to do now ?" Catherine sighed, giving the other woman a hopeless look.  
  
"Your fat camp story is only going to hold up for so long." She stated.  
  
"Plus not only do we now need to find another spider, we also have to get a thin one." She exclaimed tiredly.  
  
"Hey we could just get a fat one and say the camp didn't work." Sara sniggered.  
  
"Look I know this guy back in San Francisco who might be able to get us one, alright." Sara stated, seeing the troubled, and very unamused look that was written across the older woman's face.  
  
"And your only just mentioning this now ?!" Catherine screamed, all to ready to kill the other woman once again.  
  
"I'm only mentioning this now because its a last resort." Sara sighed.  
  
"This guy's bad news, and damned expensive too." She explained. "But he can get you anything."   
  
"Well great, place an order then." Catherine replied, cheering up considerably at the idea that they might actually get away with this.  
  
"The thing is you can't just 'place an order'." Sara stated, wringing her hands in frustration.  
  
"This guy's all about clandestine meetings in little dark corners. We'd have to both go to Frisco."  
  
"Or you could just go." Catherine suggested.  
  
"Hell No!" Sara exclaimed horrified.  
  
"I am not getting mutilated by some nutjob with mob connections just for a damn spider." She brusquely told the other woman.  
  
"We both go, or it doesn't happen." She clearly stated.  
  
"And anyway it doesn't matter, because Griss is so not going to give us both time off." She stated dejectedly  
  
"Well its worth a shot isn't it ?!" Catherine decided, as she grabbed the brunette's hand and hurriedly pulled her towards Grissoms office.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Ahh Sara just the person I was after." Grissom smiled as the two women entered his office.  
  
"Sure Griss what can I do you for ?" Sara asked, hoping to exhort a favour out of the man.  
  
"This ahhh 'Fat camp', I was wanting to visit it, see what sort of programmes they run that sort of thing. Do you have the address on you ?" He asked.  
  
"Umm NO. Nope you can't do that. Because umm they don't like family to visit. It can jeopardise the programmes." Sara quickly lied. Damn she thought they had gotten away with a few days grace. Drat Grissom and his inquisitive mind.  
  
"Ohh well I guess that makes sense." Grissom muttered disappointedly, he had hoped to take a good look at this fascinating place.  
  
"So what can I do for you ladies." He asked, taking of his glasses and giving them a quick clean as the two woman seated themselves in front of him.  
  
"Well Catherine and I need some vacation time. Straight away." Sara asked hopefully.  
  
"Ahhh." Grissom nodded his head.  
  
"I'd like too give it to you." He kindly told them "But with Nick and Warrick away till the end of the week its just not possible." He noted.  
  
"But we have to have a vacation NOW." Sara whined, why couldn't one thing just go her way she wondered.  
  
"Look Gil, maybe you could call Nick and Warrick back, this is quite important." Catherine suggested as she tried to calm down the tantrum throwing woman next to her.  
  
"The best I can do for you is a day each." He offered.  
  
"A day ?!" Sara exclaimed annoyed.  
  
"How the hell are we going to get to San Francisco and back in a day, while having a vacation ?!" She demanded.  
  
"San Francisco ?" Gil queried.  
  
"Why on earth do you need to go there ?" He asked the two women.  
  
"That's personal !" Sara sulked, not really wanting to be the slightest bit helpful.  
  
"Look Sara if you need time off for family reasons I'm sure I can work it out somehow. But I'm just not going to be able to give you both time off. I'm sorry." He sighed.  
  
"But Catherine has to come." Sara whined, crossing her arms in a huff.  
  
"Why Sara ?" Grissom asked, truly wanting to understand the young woman's position.  
  
"Why does Catherine have to go ?"  
  
"Because ummm ....." Sara mumbled, furiously raking her brain for a believable excuse.  
  
Quickly grabbing the other woman's hand, and hoping that she would forgive her for making up yet another story, she smiled sweetly across at her boss and answered him.  
  
"Catherine has to come with me to San Francisco because we're getting married."  
  
TBC........ 


	6. An Invitation

Chapter Six :  
  
"I um ..... ..... " Grissom mumbled, actually quite shocked.  
  
Removing his glasses once more, he began to clean them again, looking back and forth between a strangely smiling Sara, and an utterly astounded, almost comatosed looking Catherine.  
  
"Umm Married huh ?! ......." He muttered out loud, hoping it would reinforce the idea in his head.  
  
"Ahhh well congratulations I guess." He finally stated, trying to give both women a warm, friendly and thoroughly unshocked smile.  
  
"I just never knew."Grissom shook his head at his own stupidity. "So how long has this been going on ?" He asked them.  
  
"Ohh ahh you know, quite a while." Sara replied, quickly glancing at the far too quiet woman beside her.  
  
"Isn't that right honey ?!" She asked the woman beside her, reaching over and violently shaking her, hoping that Grissom assumed she was simply giving the other woman an intimate pat.  
  
They had to be in San Fransico in a few days, and Catherine had absolutely no right to go all catatonic on her God Damn it !   
  
"Is she alright ?" Grissom suddenly asked Sara as the older woman began making a strange gurgling sound.  
  
"Ohh umm she's just great." Sara hurriedly replied, her eyes almost bugging out of her head in concern.  
  
"Ahh she was just a little worried about telling you about us, ahh she thought you might be very, very angry." She quickly lied, as she reached across to wipe the drool off the older woman's face.  
  
Damn! She better not have killed Catherine as well she suddenly thought to herself.  
  
"Ohh I see." Grissom replied, sagely nodding his head.  
  
"Look Catherine, you didn't need to worry." He told the stupified woman.  
  
"I'm not angry, a little surprised yes, but certainly not angry." He continued "Actually I'm very happy for the both of you." He stated, making sure to smile kindly at the pair of them.  
  
"Anyway this relationship has obviously not been affecting your work if you've kept it this well hidden, so neither of you have anything to worry about." He added, suddenly thinking the women might be worried about their jobs.  
  
"Really ? That's great Grissom." Sara thanked the older man, putting on the fakest smile she could find.  
  
"So we can have that time off then ?!" She questioned, sure that Grissom wouldn't deny them anything now.  
  
"Off course Sara." He replied.  
  
"So where were you planning on having the ceremony ? " He quickly asked the younger woman before she could run away from his office.  
  
"Where ahh ....... umm well ...... " Sara replied, as she slowly sat down once more. Why did everything have to be so complicated around here.  
  
"Hmm yes where in San Fransico ?" Grissom prompted.  
  
"Umm well .....Ahh you see its going to be at umm ....." Sara mumbled, furiously raking her brain for a good place to get married.  
  
"At your parents place ?" Grissom asked, sure that was just what the young woman was about to say.  
  
"YES !!! Yes that's it!" Sara exclaimed, rather glad for the obvious answer.  
  
"Umm because they have this great wee garden area out the back of the B&B." She continued, really rather happy with Grissoms choice of a pretend venue.  
  
"And you know Catherine doesn't get on to well with her parents, so it just seemed right.We should have some family there shouldn't we darling." She finished, as she smiled at her still gurgling "fiance".  
  
"Hmm yes ones family should definitely be there." Grissom agreed, his eyes twinkling suspiciously.  
  
"Which is why I'm going to give the entire night shift time off so we can be with you on your special day." He happily told them.  
  
"WHAT ?!!!!" Sara screamed as she leapt out of her seat in shock.  
  
"No ! no no no no......" She mumbled, furiously shaking her head back and forth, her eyes bugging out even further. There was just no way she was really getting married, and especially not to another woman. God that would just make her parents so happy, and there was no way that was going to happen.   
  
"Look Sara, there's no reason for us not to all come now that I know. And I can assure you the boys will be just as happy for you as I am." Grissom assured the panicked woman.  
  
" *gurgle* " Interrupted Catherine.  
  
"See Catherine at least wants us to come." Grissom gladly told the annoyed looking brunette.  
  
"She just gurgled !" Sara exclaimed.  
  
"No Sara, I distinctly heard her say she wanted us all there." Grissom argued.  
  
"Like hell !" Sara yelled, crossing her arms and giving the older man a nasty glare.  
  
"Okay how about we do it this way." Grissom stated. "If you want the time off then you accept that ALL of your family is coming to your wedding. No invitations equals no time off." He finished, leveling his own glare back at the younger woman.  
  
"Damn it !" Sara whispered to herself, she could already see her parents crying for joy that their little girl wasn't really the straight laced automation they had always thought.  
  
Damn stupid little man, she thought angrily as she stated through gritted teeth "Gil, Catherine and I would love it if you and the boys could attent our wedding."   
  
Throwing a last annoyed look at the now happy man, she picked up her still lifeless fiance and angrily stomped out of the room.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Listen kid, get in the God damned car !" Sara screamed at Lindsay for the fiftieth time that afternoon.  
  
"No! Mommy said never to get in a car with a stranger!" Lindsay screamed as she kicked the bigger woman hard in the shins.  
  
"Owww !" whimpered Sara, as she fell to the ground clutching her aching limb. What was it with people being violent to her all of a sudden ?!  
  
"Look I'm not a stupid stranger all right ?!" Sara told the annoying brat as she picked her self back up off the ground.  
  
"I work with your mom, and I'm taking you guys home today." She finished, trying to give the little girl a friendly smile.  
  
"See, your mom's in the car already." She stated pointing to a just visible slumped over Catherine.  
  
"But how do I know you haven't just drugged her ?" Lindsay asked suspiciously, after all that's what always happened on all of the television shows.  
  
"Ohh for goodness sake just get in the car." Sara exclaimed, getting rather frustrated with the stubborn young girl.  
  
"HELP !!! HELP !!! " Screamed Lindsay, perfectly sure that the big woman had drugged her mother and intended to kill them."   
  
"Hey Lady, What you doing ?!" Asked one of the other kids parents, as a rather large mob of angry people began to descend on the two of them.  
  
"Umm look everything's just fine." Sara assured them, as she tried to pull the struggling child towards the car.  
  
"HELP !!! HELP !! HELP!!!" Lindsay screamed even louder, now that she had an appreciative audience.  
  
"OHH MY GOD ! Is that Michael Jackson heading for those kids ?!" Sara suddenly yelled pointing in a far off direction, quickly picking up a screaming Lindsay and throwing her in the car as the mob of angry parents frantically began to run back to their children.  
  
"HELP!!! HELP!!! HELP!!!" Lindsay continued to scream from the back seat, hopeful someone would still hear her.  
  
"Look kid if you shut up I'll buy you and your mom a nice big ice cream." Sara stated, thoroughly annoyed.  
  
"Okay." Smiled Lindsay happily as she sat up and buckled her seat belt, entirely sure that anyone who offered ice cream wasn't going to hurt her.  
  
"Can I get two scoops but ?" She asked the harried looking woman hopefully. Her mom never ever let her have more than one scoop.  
  
"Sure." Sara sighed, anything for a bit of piece and quiet.  
  
"Can I get four scoops ?" Catherine suddenly asked, picking her self up and wiping the remaining drool off of her face.  
  
"?!" Sara exclaimed, turning to face the now wide awake woman.  
  
"I kick you and hit you and shake you and nothing. Your daughter screams for help and nothing. Then I mention something as insignificant as ice cream and you're suddenly awake ?!" Sara began to rant.  
  
"And lets not even get started on all the places I had to carry you. Cause hello, I'm not He-man, and whatever you tell yourself you are so not light !" She continued.  
  
"Ohhh my poor little smmookims is angry." Catherine smirked as she reached over and patted Sara's knee.  
  
"Damn right I'm angry." Sara muttered unhappily under her breath.  
  
Leaning extremely close to the still grumbling woman, Catherine evilly stroked the brunettes face while she seductively whispered in her ear "You know I'm going to kill you for this whole mess don't you Sidle ?!"  
  
"Umm...... ahhh ..... did you say six scoops of ice cream ?!" Sara choked.  
  
"That's my girl." Catherine smiled, patting the younger woman's knee once more, before happily sitting back into her seat.  
  
TBC.............. 


	7. A phone call

Chapter Seven:  
  
"Ummm..... whatcha doing ?" Sara asked worriedly as she place a fresh cup of coffee in front of the older woman.  
  
"Ohh you know, just looking through some magazines." Catherine replied far to nonchalantly.  
  
"Okay..." Sara mumbled glumly as she slowly sat down beside the other woman.  
  
"So how much is this going to cost me ?" She finally asked the older CSI.  
  
"A lot." Catherine exclaimed happily as she turned to face a rather forlorn looking Sara. "A very big lot !" She added evilly, turning back to peruse the latest issue of Billion Dollar Brides.   
  
"But Catherine..." Sara began to whine.  
  
"Sara don't." Catherine warned, once again turning to face the annoyed looking brunette. "You, and your big mouth got us into this situation, so you really have no one else to blame." She replied, leaning over and patronisingly patting the other woman on the knee.  
  
"Okay, I get that this is somewhat slightly my fault." Sara reluctantly admitted. "But..." she continued "Wouldn't it be nicer to just have a VERY small and short ceremony ?!"  
  
"Sara, my last wedding was in a small dark registry and took a total of two and a half minutes. And don't even get me started on the jeans and t-shirt that I wore." Catherine began to rant.  
  
"I want a proper wedding. Dress, cake, band and all, and by God Sara your going to pay for it." She gladly told the younger woman.  
  
"But Catherine, I told Grissom we were having it at my parents place, so its not like I can hire out Buckingham Palace or anything." Sara pointed out, hopeful that the other woman would begin to see things her way.  
  
"That's perfectly fine, we can just go for the 'Quaintly Expensive' look, its very chic now apparently." Catherine replied, quickly flicking through her magazine to show Sara.  
  
"God Damn it Catherine, its not even going to be legal." Sara exclaimed angrily, jumping up from her seat and pacing furiously in front of the strawberry blonde.  
  
"Ohh honey it doesn't matter if our country doesn't recognise our relationship, it only matters that our friends and family can see our commitment to one another." Catherine answered, giving the young CSI an extremely tender look.  
  
"Oh my God Catherine, this is not for real !!!!" Sara shrieked, as she quickly rushed over to the other woman. Knelling infront of her, she grabbed Catherine's hands in her own and looked her in the eye. "Catherine this is all just a cover so we can get Grissom another stupid spider alright. We'll just go through with a small ceremony, get the spider, come home, and after a few weeks just tell everybody that it didn't work out okay ?"   
  
"Sara, of course we can still get Grissom's spider." Catherine replied kindly, lightly squeezing the younger woman's hands in reassurance. "But the wedding is the real deal." She added, squishing Sara's hands a little harder in reinforcement. "We REALLY get married, you move in here, and we live happily ever after. Got it ?!" She demanded almost menacingly.  
  
"But Catherine, I don't even like women." Sara whined, quickly pulling her hands out of the other woman's grasp and rubbing them furiously.  
  
"Well then Sara you shouldn't have offered to be Lindsay's parent should you ?!" Catherine stated "Lindsay and I are not going through another divorce, And quite frankly I'm not getting any younger, so welcome to the family Sara." She finished, giving the annoyed woman a quick peck on the cheek, before going back to her bridal magazines.  
  
"Well I'm telling my Mommy on you. So there !" Sara shouted immaturely, as she jumped up and quickly stomped out of Catherine's lounge, hoping that she was indeed heading in the direction of a phone.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
"Hello Tamales Bay Bed & Breakfast, the Best little B&B just out of San Francisco, Emma Sidle speaking." A cheery voice answered on the other end.  
  
"Hey Mom." Sara sighed gladly as she lifted herself up onto Catherine's kitchen bench.  
  
"Sara honey is that you ?" Emma gushed happily, it had been so long since they had heard from their baby girl.  
  
"Yeah Ma." Sara answered, thinking that she really aught to talk to her parents more often.  
  
"Hold on while I go get your father honey." Emma replied, quickly throwing the phone down and racing out to the garden to get her husband.  
  
"Hey baby, how you doing down there? That bug man treating you alright ?" Adam Sidle asked his little girl a few minutes later.  
  
"Hey dad." Sara smiled into the phone, her parents might be slightly brainless hippies, but she actually kinda did miss them a whole lot.  
  
"Grissom's just fine dad, and so am I. But hey, how are you guys ?" She asked, trying to think of various different ways to get out of telling them about her upcoming nuptials. Maybe she could just write them a letter she thought suddenly, they'd only be slightly pissed .....  
  
"Your mom and me are doing just fine honey. Actually business is booming, what with all of them gay marriages we had to add another story on to even accommodate half the people that wanted rooms. Damn shame they stopped them. Stupid patriarchal capitalists " Adam exclaimed.  
  
"Huh! Funny you should mention that dad." Sara stated, damn she so didn't want to do this she thought angrily.  
  
"What? Patriarchal capitalist honey ?" Adam asked, not really sure why that was funny at all.  
  
"No Dad !" Sara exclaimed, slightly moodily.  
  
"Look can you put the speaker phone on dad, I need to talk to both you and Mom about something." Sara sighed.  
  
"Sure honey." Adam replied as he hit the speaker button, and placed the handpiece down.  
  
"Can you hear us honey ?" He asked, not really trusting that all this new technology wasn't some conspiracy by the government to spy on the populace's lives.  
  
"Your coming in loud and clear Dad." Sara smirked, imagining her parents grimacing at having to use such up to date technology.  
  
"Look, I was wondering if it would be alright If I came up there for a few days." Sara began.  
  
"Of course you can." Both her parents answered happily, this really was beginning to look like a great day, why they couldn't have been anymore happier had their little girl suddenly announced something as ludicrous as she was marrying another woman.  
  
"Great, so I was wondering if it would be alright if I bought a few friends with me...." Sara continued.  
  
"Sure honey." Her father answered. "They're not republicans are they ?!" He quickly added.  
  
"Ummm ..... no ...... " Sara mumbled, wondering if she could make Grissom wear a Democrat shirt.  
  
"Ohh well that's alright honey." Her mother answered, afterall Adam was right, they couldn't have republicans hanging around, it was just bad for business.  
  
"Great. So umm ..... well .... I was ahh.... wondering if it would be alright to have my wedding while I was  
  
there." Sara quickly spluttered, deciding if she didn't get it out now then she never would.  
  
"Umm .... Hello, Guys ?? Still there ??" Sara asked after an hour of getting no response.  
  
"Ohh baby ......" Emma cried happily into the phone.  
  
"Congratulations honey, this is just .... wow..." Adam mumbled as he held his sobbing wife to him.  
  
"Thanks dad. So its all cool then." Sara replied happily, maybe she wouldn't have to actually mention that she was marrying another woman.  
  
"Of course honey." Adam replied. "But why haven't we heard about this guy before Sara ?" He quickly questioned.  
  
"Ohh because ahhh ....... umm ..... well I wasn't really sure how you would take it, stupid me huh ?!" Sara stammered.  
  
"Honey, what's this boy's name ? What dose he do ? tell me all about him ?" Emma asked, drying her eyes on her husbands flannel shirt.  
  
"Ohh ahhh, well we work together, and umm well this person is a little older than me. Ohh they've got a little girl named Lindsay, she's just so cute you'll love her to bits." Sara stated, unconsciously rubbing the shin that the little brat had kicked earlier.  
  
"Honey, that sounds so lovely." Emma sighed happily. "But what's his name Sara ?" She asked, wanting to know the name of the man that had made her baby so happy.  
  
"...... Catherine ......" Sara muttered unhappily.  
  
"Sorry sweetheart, your going to have to speak up." Her father told her.  
  
"God damn it I said CATHERINE !!!" Sara yelled frustratedley.  
  
"Catherine, that's an odd name for a boy isn't it dear ?" Emma asked her husband.  
  
"That's probably because its a GIRLS name God damn it !" Sara yelled, honestly just how stupid could her parents be.   
  
"As in I am marrying another WOMAN. In the GAYEST possible way. As in I'm a big old LESBIAN apparently." Sara began to rant.  
  
"Are you two with me yet ?!" She asked, only to be greeted with ridiculously loud squeals of joy, clapping of hands, crying, laughing and cheering."   
  
Catherine I hate you so much ! She quickly thought to herself as she hurriedly hung up the phone, hoping that the toll call had cost the older woman a preposterous amount of money.  
  
She was about to jump back down and go and annoy the strawberry blonde some more when an even better idea occurred to her. Picking up the phone once more she dialled a number she remembered seeing at a case on the strip.  
  
"Hi, I'm Candy Licous, how can I help you tonight ?" A seductive young voice whispered.  
  
"Hey Candy, I'm Sara." The brunette returned the greeting.  
  
"Look I was just curious as to how much you charged ?" She asked.  
  
"Our calls cost $5.99 per minute, we have a special $1.00 off for every half hour, and please make sure you ask the bill payer first." Candy rattled off wearily.  
  
"Ohh yeah I am SOOOO the bill payer." Sara lied happily. "Ohh and just forget the half hour special, I'm more than happy to pay full price." She added, settling herself in for a nice long phone call.  
  
"So is Candy your real name ?" She asked intrigued.  
  
"Babe, your paying, you can call me whatever you want." Candy laughed.  
  
"Really ?! Cool.... " Sara mumbled.  
  
"How about Catherine ?" She suggested.  
  
TBC........... 


	8. A Party

Chapter Eight:  
  
"Sara ! You sly old fox you!!" Nick exclaimed happily as he slapped the young woman heartily across the back, nearly knocking her across the break room.  
  
"owww." Sara mumbled irritably as she glared at the enthusiastic young man.  
  
"You and Catherine ?!" Nick stated shaking his head in wonderment, and entirely missing the brunettes pissed off look.  
  
"Wow !" He smiled, letting his mind wander through all the fun possibilities those two names together could provide a young lad.  
  
"Nick" Sara growled, not liking the way the young man's eyes were lighting up at all.  
  
"Heh, sorry Sara." He replied sheepishly, shaking himself out of his self induced haze and walking over to join the other woman beside her beloved coffee machine.  
  
Leaning against the bench, he gave Sara his best boyish smile. "I just want you to know I'm so happy for you guys." he told her happily, throwing his arms around her, and hugging her as if her life depended on it.  
  
"ummph ick ett ooof eeeee ." Sara gasped, trying to push the young man off of her.  
  
"Hey Nick try and not suffocate my girlfriend okay ?" Catherine told the young CSI as she entered the break room, and headed straight for the couch.  
  
"heh, sorry Cat." Nick mumbled apologetically as he extracted himself from Sara, checking to see that the young woman was still breathing, he walked over to sit beside the older CSI.  
  
"I'm just so happy for you guys." He told the other woman, giving her a slight, entirely breathable hug.  
  
"I know Nicky, I know." Catherine replied happily, giving the young man a gentle pat on the knees.  
  
Growling lowly to herself Sara picked up her coffee and headed over to join the other two CSIs.  
  
"Hey Sara what do you think about this dress ?" Catherine asked the younger woman as she sat down beside her. Turning towards her and shoving a brochure of an exquisite wedding gown into her hands.  
  
"Do you think I'd too look fat in it ?!" She asked self consciously.  
  
"Ohh my God Catherine !" Sara exclaimed completley stunned. "That dress costs fifty thousand dollars, hell yeah I think you'd look fat in it !" She told the other woman, thinking in fact the it would make the strawberry blonde look absolutely drop dead gorgeous.  
  
Stunned, Catherine merly gapped at the young brunette for a long few minutes, before leaning in close to her. "Sara Elizabeth Sidle, you are so NOT getting lucky tonight !" She yelled as she stormed off towards the coffee machine.  
  
"Rigggght ....." Sara murmured, shaking her head and blinking her eyes in bemusement.  
  
"Because I was soooo getting lucky every other night ...... ?!???" She muttered to herself.  
  
"Ohh man." Nick stated slapping his head at the stupidity of the woman now sitting next to him.  
  
"Sara, Sara, Sara. You have got a lot to learn about women." He told the brunette sympathetically.  
  
"Excuse me, I was actually a woman the last time I checked." Sara exclaimed offendidly. "I think I do actually know a little something about them."  
  
"Sara, never ever tell a woman you think she looks fat." Nick replied, giving the young woman a compassionate pat on the shoulder.  
  
"I am NOT paying fifty grand for a God Damned stupid frock ! " Sara told the young man, angrily shaking off his hand.  
  
"Sara, if you don't want your credit card bill to shoot through the roof, then I suggest you go out and marry some guy." Nick laughed.  
  
"god damned stupid wedding ...." Sara grumbled moodily to herself, as she hurriedly turned her back on the laughing man beside her.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Ahh good, everybody else is here." Grissom stated nodding his head as he walked into the room.  
  
"Catherine, Sara, Nick. I'd like to introduce you to one Sister Mary Joseph Emmanuel, Mother Superior of the Sacred Heart convent in Reno." Grissom said, introducing the small carmelite nun beside him.  
  
"Hey cool, did some nuns die ?" Nick asked excitedly, thinking that the night was starting to look quite good.  
  
"No actually quite the opposite." Grissom replied, waiting for a still glaring Catherine to take a seat across from Sara before he continued.  
  
"Actually Sister Mary is running a biannual convention for nuns here in Las Vagas this week." Grissom continued. " We seem to have absolutely no cases tonight." Grissom stated, shaking his head in wonderment. "As you can imagine I was rather perplexed by all of this, I mean this is actually Vagas."  
  
"We like to call it Sodom and Gomorrah, in the business." Sister Mary interrupted pompously as she took a seat beside Catherine.  
  
"Hmm yes quite." Grissom smirked at the sister's rather apt description.  
  
"Anyway as I was saying I simply couldn't understand this until the sister rang me with a truly plausible reason. Sister if you will." Grissom smiled, leaving the nun to explain to his CSIs.  
  
"Well its all quite simple really." Sister Mary began gruffly. "You see all crooks know that its bad karma to be naughty while there is a nun's convention on in town. So consequently most towns we visit are crime free during our stay." She stated proudly.  
  
"WHAT ?!" Sara exclaimed loudly, just how stupid did Grissom think she actually was ?!  
  
"You really expect us to believe that ?!" She asked the older man tersely.  
  
"But didn't you say ...." Nick began before being silenced by Sara's stiletto heel.  
  
"owww." He cried, shooting the brunette an evil glare.  
  
"Of course I expect you to believe it Sara." Grissom replied unconsciously taking of his glasses and cleaning them."It makes a great deal of sense." He told her sagely.  
  
"Anyway this leaves us without any cases tonight, and thusly with one of two options." He stated, replacing his glasses as he looked between his three CSIs.  
  
"Either we could all catch up on some paperwork." He suggested to a chorus of groans.  
  
"Or we can take the night of, and help our two ladies celebrate their upcoming wedding."  
  
"I vote for paperwork." Sara decided suddenly, raising her hand to further stress her choice.  
  
"Woohoo Bachelor party !" Nick whooped excitedly.  
  
"Good choice." Grissom congratulated Nick, smiling at his boyish enthusiasm.  
  
"I decided to invite Sister Mary and a few of her friends along, as a way of thanks for giving us all the night off."Grissom added happily, sure that Catherine and Sara would appreciate his kind gesture.  
  
"Yes, it will prove an excellent lesson in temptation and sin I believe." Sister Mary said happily nodding her aged head.  
  
"Anyway I've hired out a small bus, and Greg and Warrick are down there already with the other sisters. So come on people lets get this party started." He finished hopping he sounded terribly young and hip.  
  
"I'm not paying for this right ?!" Sara called after the rest of the group, as she quickly ran to join them.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Wow !" Catherine muttered as she took in the extremely large two story black bus, filled with at leat a hundred nuns of varying ages.  
  
"Wohoo Bachelor party with hundreds of single women !" Nick screamed excitedly as he pushed past the two women in his haste to get on the bus.  
  
"Ahh Nick I don't think ..." Sara began, before deciding that the southern lad probably wasn't going to listen to her anyway.  
  
"Come on ladies, your Carriage awaits." Grissom smiled as he brushed past them and boarded the big bus.  
  
"Righhhht...." Catherine mumbled as she grabbed her fiances hand and pulled her onto the huge vehicle.  
  
"Hey Cat, Sara." Warrick called out, as he walked down the isle to greet them both.  
  
"I'm so happy for both of you." He told them, as he embraced Catherine, then heartily shook Sara's hand.  
  
"Sara, you are one lucky woman." He sincerely told the young woman.  
  
"Yeah well I bet my bank manager doesn't think so." Sara muttered glumly as she pushed past the other man and took a seat.  
  
"Hey Catherine Wanna sit on my knee ?" Greg asked hopefully as the gorgeous older woman walked past him.  
  
"Hey lab boy MINE !!!" Sara growled as she reached across to his seat and smacked him, rather upset that the young man hadn't asked her to sit on his knee instead.  
  
"Ohhh honey, that's so sweet." Catherine smiled as she seated herself nearly on top of the other woman.  
  
"Maybe you might just get lucky tonight baby." She whispered seductivley to the shocked brunette.  
  
"Great." Sara smiled fakley, could this night possibly get any worse she wondered annoyed.  
  
"Right then Sister's how about a rousing chorus of Kumbya ?" Sister Mary Joseph asked as she climbed aboard the bus and seated herself happily behind the wheel.  
  
Sara decided to hit her head repeatedly against the seat in front of her.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
"Whoa ! Why are we stopping here ?!" Sara demanded desperately as the bus pulled up outside a rather large and seedy looking venue entitled The Kitty Lounge.  
  
"Woohoo Bachelor party !" Nick and Greg screamed excitedly as they hurriedly ran off the bus.  
  
"Umm No, no no no no no ....... " Sara shook her head worriedly.  
  
"Come on guy's you don't need to pretend around us, we're family." Warrick kindly told the somewhat green looking young woman.  
  
"Yes, it should be ahh ...... fun." Grissom added as he walked up the isle to them.  
  
"Ahhh..... but the ahh .... nuns! " Sara tried, hoping for a last minute rescue. Only to notice the large line of nun's being handed large stacks of dollar bills by Sister Mary.  
  
"I really don't think they're going to have that much of a problem honey." Catherine laughed, shaking her head at the odd scene as she dragged her unwilling fiance off the bus and into the building.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
"Now what you do is line up in front of the dancers and place the dollar bills into their underwear." Sister Mary instructed the excited group of nuns in front of her.  
  
"Alternatively you could use a couple of the bills together to either buy some alcohol, or to get something called a 'lap dance' from one of the dancers." She added educationally.  
  
"Now just spread out and try and learn as much as you can about this sort of temptation so that we may each be better able to help the damned and the sinners of our world." She encouraged.  
  
"And if you need any help, I'll be sitting right over there." The elderly Sister smiled as she quicly headed towards a rather leggy and buxom young blonde dancer.  
  
"Ohh My God !" Sara shook her head stunned by the non nun like activities the robed women were getting up too.  
  
"I'm sooo getting a drink!" She quickly decided, as she hurriedly headed towards the bar.  
  
"Hey, Give me your strongest drink, and make it a double." Sara asked the barman, as she quickly placed her money on the counter and jumped on to stool beside it.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Hey baby." A slightly tipsy Catherine replied, a long while later, as she wrapped a still seated Sara in her arms.  
  
"You not enjoyng yorself." She slurred, as she placed her chin on the brunettes shoulder.  
  
"Ohhh yeah, having a ball." Sara replied, before laughing uproariously, her drunken self finding her not funny sentence rather amusing.  
  
"Come on baby, les go dance." Catherine whispered in her ear, pulling the tall woman from her stool.  
  
"Cat, there's no dance floor." Sara sniggered at the other women.  
  
"Ohh yeah." Catherine laughed to herself.  
  
"Unless you want me to dance around a pole for ya ?!" Sara suggested.  
  
"OHH YEAH !" Catherine whooped, hurriedly pulling the younger woman towards the platformed area, managing not to stumble too much.  
  
"Ahh Cat no!" Sara exclaimed worriedly, her brain finally catching up with her mouth.  
  
"Why ?!" Catherine whined, not wanting to let the young CSI talk her way out of this one.  
  
"Umm ..... because ahh ...... well .... I'm allergic to poles." She lied.  
  
"Ohh." Catherine sighed disappointedly, as she redirected them to a small table.  
  
"How about I go get us some drinks huh ?" Sara suggested, happy to have got away with the lie.  
  
"Okay, but hurry back." Catherine smiled, as she happily blew drunken kisses at the young woman.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
"Here you go." Sara stated a short while later, as she placed the two drinks on the table.  
  
getting no response from the older woman she looked up to notice that a group of about five nuns were huddled around her fiance, trying to stuff dollar bills into the top of her black dress slacks.  
  
"HEY ! NO !" Sara exclaimed angrily, as she grabbed the young Sisters and pulled them off her befuddled woman.  
  
"But Sister Mary said ...." One of the older Sisters began.  
  
"I don't care what your stupid Sister Mary said ...." Sara began, before an amusing idea came to her.  
  
"I mean, what Sister Mary ment was that you should stick your money into that bearded man's pants." Sara sniggered as she pointed to an almost smiling Grissom.  
  
"Ohh thank you." Squealed the nuns as they quickly ran in the direction of the older man.  
  
"Sara, your so bad." Catherine laughed as she pulled the young woman down onto her lap.  
  
Sara was just about to reply when she noticed someone sit down opposite them. Turning to look she recognised a smiling Sister Mary Joseph Emmanuel.  
  
"Hi, I've been hoping to have the opportunity to talk with you two all night." She smiled kindly at the two CSIs.  
  
"I was just wanting to talk with you about how much God, our Father loves the both of you. And to warn you that if you don't turn from this path of sin and immorality then you will both spend your eternal lives in HELL !!!! " She yelled dramatically, waving her frail arms about theatrically.  
  
"Okay, so we're going to hell, and your not ?!" Sara asked, as she looked around the room at the hundreds of daboucherous nuns.  
  
"Pretty much." Sister Mary answered, glad the young woman was following her.  
  
"Lady, you is whacked !" Sara told the elderly nun, deciding that clearly the poor woman was starting to show the signs of dementure.  
  
"We'll see." The nun told them, condescendingly nodding her head.  
  
"Your jus jealous." Catherine slurred at the elderly woman, as she grasped Sara's neck and brought the younger woman's lips to her own. There, take that Sister Mary Something or other ! She thought happily to herself, as she quickly forced her tongue into the brunettes waiting mouth.  
  
"Well I never !" Exclaimed the older nun, furiously fanning her flushed face, she extricated herself from the table and rushed back over to her blonde dancer.  
  
"Wow !" Sara exclaimed breathlessly when the strawberry blonde finally released her.  
  
"Ohh yeah, I'm soooo good !" Catherine murmered contentedly, staring rather hungrily at the young woman's enticing lips.  
  
"Catherine..." Sara whispered to the other woman.  
  
"Uhh huh ..." Catherine encouraged, as the younger woman leaned in even closer.  
  
"I think I might be umm ..... gay." Sara whispered rather loudly into her ear.  
  
TBC ................... 


	9. Sister Mary

- To Kim, for hoping that my cat was okay : )  
  
Now back to the complete and utter silliness.....  
  
Chapter Nine:  
  
"Owww" Sara muttered grumpily, furiously rubbing her aching, beating, temples, as she tried to slowly sit up.  
  
"No ... drums ..... owww." Catherine mumbled unintelligibly as she sat up beside her lovely fiance.  
  
"Turn them off !" She whined as she smacked the younger woman on the arm, sure that the brunette was behind this all somehow.  
  
"OWWW !" Sara exclaimed offendidly, rubbing her now sore arm. Turning she quickly smacked the older woman back.  
  
"You turn them off !" She shouted, sticking her tongue out to further emphasis just how upset she was with the other woman.  
  
"No!" Catherine shouted back, happily ignoring the pain this caused her head.  
  
"Yes!" Sara demanded, rather feed up with the annoying constant beating and with the obstinate woman beside her.  
  
"No !" Catherine growled lowly, scrunching up her bleary squinting eyes menacingly.  
  
"God Damn it Catherine! If you don't ..." Sara began to rant, before being cut off by a nasty slap.  
  
"What the ...... ?" Sara muttered utterly confused. The slap certainly hadn't come from the ravishing strawberry blonde beside her, so that meant there must be someone else in the room.  
  
"Ohh My God !" Sara muttered, absolutely shocked, as she took in the sight of one smiling Sister Mary Joseph Emmanuel, complete with her very own set of bongo drums.  
  
"Now, now Miss Sidle. It is a sin to use the Lord's name in vain." She tsked the young woman, as she put her drums down and pulled up a chair to the end of the bed.  
  
"What the HELL are you doing in my room ?!" Catherine angrily demanded. "Cause I sure as GOD DAMNED HELL don't remember inviting you !" She added, hoping that she really hadn't invited the old woman over.  
  
"I've brought pamphlets." The nun replied, as though this should explain everything.  
  
"Ohh well that's perfectly alright then." Catherine commented sarcastically.  
  
"Good." Sister Mary Joseph smiled, as she turned the first pamphlet to show them.  
  
"Now I'd like to begin with this one entitled 'In the Beginning God Made Adam and Eve NOT Adam and Steve.' ......"   
  
"Ohhh my god ....." Sara muttered lowly to herself as she fell back against the bed. One certainly did not expect to wake up to this after ones bachelor party!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Then in this next pamphlet we can see all the sorts of horrible afflictions that can effect people in a homosexual relationship. Look there's even pictures!" Sister Mary exclaimed excitedly as she waved the page about infront of the two CSIs.  
  
"Catherine, she's been here for like three hours already, make her leave !" Sara whined pitifully to the other woman.  
  
"Ummm well I could just kiss you .... that seemed to work last night." The strawberry blonde suggested, waggling her eyebrows suggestively at the younger woman, as she leaned invitingly closer to her.  
  
"Ohhh yeah ! You should sooooo try that." Sara happily agreed, as she lifted herself up to meet the other woman, greedily capturing her lips in her own.  
  
"Hmmm. Yes well, here we see a picture of a Mr John Smith of Alaska who developed gangrene of the lower leg, after spending the night with a Mr Andrews." Sister Mary loudly read over the moaning and sighing coming from the bed in front of her.  
  
"Doesn't seem to be working to well." Catherine sniggered as she finally released the younger woman's lips.  
  
"Maybe I should just completely ravish you." She quickly suggested, as she lowered her hands to the brunettes slightly rumbled shirt.  
  
"Mmmm, ohh yeah !" Sara moaned happily, quickly bringing her hands down to help the older woman.  
  
"Hang on a minute !" Sara suddenly exclaimed, leaping away from the other CSI and completely halting her naughty hands.  
  
"Why am I still wearing my shirt ?!" She demanded angrily.  
  
"Well you wouldn't have been if you had let me continue." Catherine grumbled frustratedly.  
  
"No I mean why was I STILL wearing my shirt ?!" The younger woman whined. Lifting up the bed covers she quickly peered from her fully clothed body, to that of her fully clothed fiance.  
  
"Ohh my God ! We've still got all our clothes on !" She exclaimed in utter disbelief.  
  
"okay ....." Catherine muttered, wondering if maybe the brunette was actually completely bonkers after all.  
  
"Damn it Catherine! You promised me I'd get lucky." She yelled at the frowning woman, deciding to smack her once again, to reinforce the injustice of her situation.  
  
"What .... ?! But I ...." Catherine mumbled, rather thrown by the young woman's silly tantrum.  
  
"Look honey, we were clearly very tiered and DRUNK last night, so It was probably for the best. Anyway I am marrying you - so its not like your not ever going to get lucky again. And do I need to remind you that I was trying to ravish you just before." Catherine defended herself.  
  
"But you promised." Sara pouted unhappily.  
  
"So do you have any pamphlets there about GOD DAMNED LIARS ?" She asked the still droning on nun.  
  
"Why yes !" Sister Mary exclaimed, happy that the moaning had stopped and that everybody was paying attention to her once more.  
  
"Now in this pamphlet here we can see that all homosexuals are infact big fat liars." She stated, turning the page to show the young brunette.  
  
"ohh my God....." Catherine muttered lowly to herself as she fell back against the bed. One certainly did not expect to wake up to this after one's bachelor part !  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sara loudly stomped into her office, annoyed that no one was around to witness her bad mood.  
  
Growling angrily, she headed for her desk, and unhappily threw herself into her chair, only then noticing the single, beautiful, blood red rose layed across her desk.  
  
"Awww" She muttered happily as she picked up the pretty flower and brought it to her nose.  
  
Noticing a small card sitting on her desk, she carefully placed the rose back on her desk and read the note.  
  
"Sara, Please take this flower as a token off my utter and undying love for you. I am sorry that I failed to keep my promise to you last night, but to quote one of the great thinkers of our time, please know that you will always 'Make me horny baby' - Catherine."   
  
"Wow!" Sara scowled as she threw the note back on her desk "She wants a fifty thousand dollar dress, and all I get is one cheap arsed flower !"  
  
"Humph ! Its probably plastic anyway." She grumbled as she leapt up and stalked out the door, wondering if it would be more fun to yell at Greg or at Nick.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Not finding Nick or Greg anywhere, the angry brunette decided to try one last look in the break room, at the very least she could help herself to a nice cup of extremely caffineated coffee.  
  
However upon entering the room, the only thing that she found was her soon to be wife emptying the very last dregs of the coffee pot into her cup.  
  
"No !" Sara exclaimed miserably.   
  
Maybe Sister Mary J. was right. God must really hate her, she decided as she stomped up to her smiling fiance.  
  
"Hey baby." Catherine smiled at her stunningly gorgeous fiance, only to be greeted by a low, pissed off growl.  
  
"Umm so did you get my present ?" Catherine asked, as she carefully took a step back from the younger woman.  
  
"Uh huh." Sara muttered, staring longingly at the older woman's cup.  
  
"So umm am I forgiven then ?" Catherine queried.  
  
"Nope." Sara muttered, wondering if she should just grab the cup from the other woman's grasp.  
  
"What if I promised to make it up to you tonight ?" Catherine whispered seductively into the brunettes ear.  
  
"Umm I ahh ......" Sara mumbled quickly losing her train of thought. Damn but Catherine was good, she thought in annoyance.  
  
"Good" The older woman smirked, as she stepped back and downed the last of her coffee.  
  
"No !" Sara cried, seeing the beautiful liquid vanishing into the other woman's mouth.  
  
Reacting quickly, she grasped the other woman's neck, and pulled her into a smouldering kiss.  
  
"Mmmm" She happily moaned as she tasted the remanets of the coffee on the older woman's lips.  
  
"Ohh baby." Catherine sighed, glad the other woman wasn't angry with her anymore.  
  
Damn but she was good, she thought to happily to herself.   
  
"Now children, here we can see the 'homosexual' in its natural debaucherous state." Sister Mary Joseph Emmanuel informed the sleepy convent children infront of her.  
  
"What the ?!" Sara shouted in utter shock, as she disentangled herself from her caffeine fix.  
  
"Ohh for God's sake !" Catherine exclaimed angrily, when was the elderly woman going to learn to get lost.  
  
"See how the 'homosexual' is a natural blasphemer." She continued. "Now write that down children, it could be in your tests later." She informed them.  
  
"What the HELL are you doing here ?!" Sara demanded, wondering if a court would grant her an AVO on a nun.  
  
"The children and I are on an excursion trip to see the damned in there natural environments." She informed the young woman.  
  
"A School trip ?!" Sara exclaimed in shock.   
  
"But its the middle of the GOD DAMNED night !" She yelled, not quite believing the audacity of the woman.  
  
"Hmm yes, it seems that's the best time to catch such debaucherous people." Sister Mary sagely told the CSI.  
  
"You're a GOD DAMNED loony !" Sara yelled irately as she grabbed her fiance and pulled her out of the room.  
  
"And I'm telling my mom on you - so there !" She added snidely as she pulled them both out of the break room.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"What a looooong night." Sara sighed wearily as she exited Catherine's car and began to walk up the path to her house.  
  
"Awwww poor baby." Catherine sniggered as she quickly opened her door and thrust the complaining woman inside.  
  
"Now I believe I made you a promise I intend to keep." She growled as she pushed the brunette against the wall and greedily captured her lips.  
  
"Mmmm...... Wait where's Lindsay ?" Sara quickly asked, as she pulled herself away from the lustful woman.  
  
"Sleep over." Catherine muttered, once again pinning the young woman to the wall.  
  
"Ohh. Right. Good." Sara nodded.  
  
"Hang on, where ?" She asked, hoping Catherine hadn't meant she was having a sleep over here.  
  
"Chad ?! I don't know !" Catherine exclaimed frustratedly.  
  
"Ahhh ......" Sara began.  
  
"Sara. Shut up !" Catherine growled as she once again pounced on the young woman.  
  
"Mmmm. Okay." Sara sighed happily, as she pulled the older woman harder against her.  
  
"Hello. Excuse me." A third voice interrupted them from the couch.  
  
"What the ...... ?!" Both woman exclaimed, quickly leaping apart to see a somewhat flushed looking Sister Mary waving at them.  
  
"Ohh My God ! Did you give her keys or something ?!" Sara demanded angrily.  
  
"I'm going to kill you, you silly old bat !" Catherine screamed frustratedly as she advanced on the elderly woman.  
  
"Yes. That's another one of the unfortunate side effects of the 'homosexual' - homicidal tendencies." Sister Mary sadly shook her head.  
  
"Actually I'm here to help you both." She told the two glowering CSIs.  
  
"Lady, the only way you can help me is by getting lost !" Catherine growled as she continued her advance on the pompous nun.  
  
"I have a spider." Sister Mary sweetly told them.  
  
"A big hairy tarantula type spider." She continued.  
  
"I believe your looking for one ?" She added.  
  
"But how ...... ?!" Sara spluttered, certain that the old woman couldn't really know everything that had happened.  
  
"I have my connections." The elderly nun smiled, looking heavenward.  
  
"Ohh." Sara muttered disappointedly. Well clearly they were screwed.  
  
"Well umm I've already got another one lined up, so you can just ummm ...." Sara muttered.  
  
"Hmmm yes your San Francisco contact, well I'm afraid he had a little accident." Sister Mary informed them "So I guess you really do need my help after all then, don't you." She smiled sweetly at the shocked women.  
  
"What's the catch." Catherine asked, almost afraid of what the answer would be.  
  
"Ahh yes the catch." Sister Mary smiled even wider.  
  
"In exchange for one extremely rear Mexican Red-Legged Tarantula, all I ask is that you both attend one week of our 'Lets get it STRAIGHT' camp."  
  
" Your what camp ?!" Sara asked bewildered.  
  
"Our camp for reforming homosexuals back into the straight lifestyle."   
  
"?!" Both CSIs exclaimed.  
  
"Your joking right......" Sara spluttered, clearly shocked.  
  
"One week, that is all.Then I will leave you alone for ever." Sister Mary stated.  
  
"And if it doesn't work ?" Catherine questioned.  
  
"Dearie, if it doesn't work then I will run away to Nicaragua and join a post modern belly dancing troop." The nun laughed.  
  
"But ...." Catherine encouraged.  
  
"Fine." Sister Mary sighed. "One week, work or not you still get the spider.  
  
"Great." Catherine clapped her hands, happy to have a way to get rid of the old lady.  
  
"So where do I sign ?!"  
  
TBC ...................... 


	10. Camp

Title: For Want of a Spider

Author: Valar

Rating: Five stars

Pairing: Sara/ Me :-)

Disclaimer: I own today's disclaimer - so keep yer filthy hands of it alright ?!  
  
serious Disclaimer: This story is my little brains attempt at a wee bit of humour. I mean no offense to any religions herein mentioned.

Chapter Ten :  
  
"Honey Hurry up! We're going to be late." Catherine called frustradedly into the house for what seemed like the forty fifth time.  
  
"I'm friggen coming already!" Sara grumped as she stomped out to the car and threw her suitcase in the back.  
  
"Come on baby, I'm sure its going to be heaps of fun." Catherine told the younger woman gently as she got into the drivers seat.  
  
"Catherine don't." Sara glared at the older woman angrily.  
"Just don't alright. I am so pissed at you for accepting this stupid deal without even asking me, so you can just go to hell ok?!" She stated as she turned to face the window.  
  
"Honey...." Catherine sighed as she reached across and tenderly stroked the brunettes thigh.  
"I was just trying to help us out, it seemed like our only option. Baby we need that spider, please try and understand Sara, its only a week."  
  
"Catherine I don't want to go to Straight Camp." Sara yelled as she shook the other woman's soothing hand from her body.  
"And if you really loved me you wouldn't make me go either." She added quietly.  
  
"Honey you know I love you, but we need a spider, and this is the only damned way that nutty nun is going to but out of our lives. Its just one week baby, only a week." Catherine sighed as she started the car up and pulled out onto the road.  
  
"Fine, but if I meet some charming young man and decided to run away and marry him and become a housewife then don't blame me alright! " Sara declared irately, as she angrily crossed her arms and sunk further into her seat.  
  
"Ohhh baby, that ain't never gonna happen." Catherine leant over and whispered seductively in her girls ear.  
  
"Arrrggghhhh Catherine! I hate you so much." Sara grumped as her whole body trembled with arousal.  
  
"Ah ha I can so see that." The older woman sniggered, as she stared out at the road ahead of them.  
  
"'Top of the morn'in to ya ladies." The little priest in the green frock merrily greeted them as he heartily shook their hands.  
"I'm Father Patrick O'Hara. Sister Mary has told me so much about you two. So happy you could make it!" He smiled at the both of them.  
"Now if you'd just like to go wait with the others over there and I'll be with ya shortly." He finished as he pointed them toward the front of the large imposing building where half a dozen other people stood.  
  
"Ohh Goody!" Sara exclaimed as she picked up her suitcase and trudged toward the rest of their group, not really caring whether Catherine followed her or not.  
  
"Sara wait up !" Catherine cried as she chased after her rapidly disappearing girlfriend.  
  
"Bite me Catherine!" Sara grumped as she quickly headed up to the nearest male.  
Placing her suitcase on the ground she tapped the young man on the shoulder "Hi, I'd like to be straight. Wanna marry me ?!" She asked him. Ha Catherine take that! She thought to herself rather smugly.  
  
"Ohh Sugar, ain't you just too funny." Paulie laughed happily as he turned to greet this new funny girl. However his laugh soon turned into a terrified scream when his eyes took in the sight of the psychotic butch lesbian who had beat him to a bloody pulp on the floor of his beautiful little petting store.  
  
"Ohh shit !" Sara sighed as she quickly covered the man's mouth with her hand trying desperately to silence his screaming.  
  
"I suppose you two think you're very funny don't you ?!" Sister Mary demanded, as she angrily paced the small office.  
  
"Hey! I so didn't even touch that guy." Catherine added. She really didn't see why she was here at all, after all it was solely Sara trying to kill the petting shop guy and not her! They better not be getting detention for this damn it!  
  
"We are trying to run a very serious program here." Sister Mary continued, ignoring Catherine's outburst entirely. "Clearly you two do not appreciate that. Well I'll be damned if I'm going to let you ruin this for everybody else." She continued.  
  
"Mmm yeah, you should probably send us home." Sara quickly stated.  
"You know to stop any further incidents." She added.  
  
"Yeah, what she said !" Catherine said brightening slightly at the thought of getting to take her clearly psychotic girlfriend home and ravish her.  
  
"Ohh no I couldn't do that." Sister Mary told them, somewhat forgetting her earlier rant.  
"No, no we must save your souls from eternal damnation. Now about the incident this morning... " The elderly nun began.  
  
"But I was only asking him to marry me." Sara whined. " Is it my fault if he's a screaming sissy ?!"  
  
"Excuse You ?!" Catherine demanded suddenly jumping up from her seat and advancing on the younger woman. "You were asking him to what ?!"  
  
"Umm I ahh ...... " Sara mumbled, backing away from the livid looking woman.  
  
"'Cos I know that MY Fiancé was so NOT asking someone else to marry her !" Catherine declared dangerously as she neared the other woman.  
  
"Did I say 'Marry Me' ?!" Sara squealed as the red head came within a hairs breath of her. "Ha! I meant 'Make me'. Yeah ahhh .... well ..... um .... You see I was asking him if he'd ahh .... make me a umm .... a wedding dress." Sara finally answered, with a little fake laugh. "Huh! Marry Me indeed! Geeze what kinda fiancé do you take me for Catherine?!" Sara asked, trying to make it sound as though she was terribly hurt.  
  
"Ohh baby, I'm so sorry." Catherine replied as she hugged the younger woman to her. "Why don't you let me make it up to you, huh ?!" She smirked as she gently guided the brunettes face down to her own, and greedily captured the younger woman's mouth with her lips.  
  
"Catherine ?" Sara questioned, as she reluctantly tore her lips from the older woman's.  
  
"Mmm yes Sara ?" The red head replied.  
  
"Can we please go now ?!" Sara quietly asked.  
  
"Sure thing babe." Catherine smirked as she grabbed the other woman's hand in hers and gently pulled her towards the door.  
  
"Hey now! " Sister Mary cried, seeing her latest project about to run away. " We had a deal !" She angrily stated.  
  
"Bite Me Sister! " Catherine happily replied.  
  
"But Catherine what about Gil's spider ?!" Sara quickly asked,coming to a sudden halt. After all wasn't that why they had come here in the first place.  
  
"So we go to Mexico for our honeymoon. I mean there has to be a god damned blue armed Mexican tarantula or whatever there doesn't there ?!" Catherine theorized.  
  
"But what about getting the nutty nun to but out of our lives ?" Sara asked, sure that her girl would not be able to fix that too.  
  
"Hmm Yes well I've got some Jehovah's Witness friends who are more than happy to HARASS ..... ahhh I mean umm ..... convert new members." Catherine said loudly enough for everyone in the next ten blocks to hear.  
  
"Ahhh .... well now ..... I've got some classes to teach, so why don't I just leave you nice young folks to it then." A visibly paler Sister Mary stammered, as she quickly high tailed it out of the small office.  
  
"And you couldn't have thought of all of this before ?!" Sara laughed bemusedly, rather impressed that an eighty something year old woman could actually run that fast.  
  
"Bite Me! Sara." Catherine stated, poking her tongue out at the younger woman.  
  
"Mmm, you know I want to baby." Sara almost purred as she advanced on the older woman, only to be interrupted by a knock on the door.  
"Arrggghhhh what now!" She screamed frustratedly as she stalked over to a rather large window, and angrily crossed her arms.  
  
"Hello ? Anybody there ?" Asked a vaguely familiar masculine voice as the office door began to open.  
"Is this the 'Get it STRAIGHT Camp for reforming Homosexuals to the straight lifestyle ?" The voice queried as the door opened fully.  
Seeing the room occupied the owner of the vaguely familiar voice rushed into the room "I'm so sorry I'm late but mom had to finish packing my lunch and ....." The man began before realizing exactly who was in the room with him. "Sara ? Catherine ? What are you guy's doing here ?" He asked rather shocked.  
  
"......Oh my God !........." Whispered a clearly shocked Sara as her eyes almost bugged out of her head.  
  
Catherine stared at the young man in front of her blinking her eyes several times to make sure she wasn't dreaming.  
  
".............. Greg ............. ?!" She asked.  
  
TBC....................


End file.
